Enough

The term "enough" is a hard one to grasp.

Enough can't be measured in volume or length. You can't color code it, find its picture in a reference book, or even put a number on it.

It's one of those rare labels where Enough is simply the exact perfect amount to be. Although, your Enough may sometimes seem too much or too little for certain others around you.

I've had one of those blessed/cursed years where I've exhausted myself striving to be more than Enough. If Enough is the perfect measure for oneself to be, I was going for impossible-to-earn extra credit points in that department. 

There's a reason the words Enougher and Enoughest don't exist in the English vernacular. They are unnecessary to the concept as a whole.

When someone doesn't embrace the spirit of your Enoughness, it's most likely a glaring sign that they simply don't belong in your life. I, usually choosing to be near-sighted when it comes to signs, have always had a hard time accepting that.

You see, I'm a pleaser. Being a middle child, I've always been a peacemaker. If I see something broke, I want to fix it. If I see discord, I want to unite. When I see someone taking wrong turns, I want to guide them onto the right path (even if my version of "guiding" feels more like careening into their lane and T-boning them back to my exit at 85 miles per hour.)

I have a heightened sense of empathy and it guts me to see others learns lessons on their own. "No, no! That's the hard way! I've already tried that! Why won't you just learn from my mistakes?!"

Sometimes people don't jibe in your life. It's not wrong, just a misfitting of wants and needs. You're not meant to be friends, don't need to enemies. You interact with them when need be and move on about your merry way.

Yet, other times (more often than I'd like to admit) some people just choose to be assholes.

My empathetic spirit seems to think it's the Asshole Whisperer. Why are they cruel? What in their history made them this way? Why do they hurt me? And, how does it not make them feel bad?

You can try to clean an asshole. Wash it, polish it, talcum powder it until it looks pure as snow. But, an asshole is still an asshole. And, there's no sense trying to be its Whisperer because assholes don't have ears.

Sometimes when an asshole needs to be removed from your life, God will send an even bigger asshole to do the job for you.

This happened to me recently. Instead of walking away and seeing the task as being handled, I chose to waste a few weeks trying to whisper to two rear ends. Then hiss, then bark, then throw my hands up in disgust and cry in frustration.

Then I finally remembered to pray. Praying reminded me that I'm more than Enough. And, that it's time to accept that not everybody gets to stay in your life who's not treating you right. It's not your job to fix them. They don't want you to be their savior or especially their moral police. There's no crime in walking away from people who don't respect or appreciate you.

To quote someone much more eloquent than me, Iyanla Vanzant makes a great point in her book Get Over It!  She says, "Acceptance does not mean agreement, nor does it mean we feel good about what we're facing. It does, however, mean that we're willing to look for and embrace the lesson."

That lesson for me is that it's okay to walk away and focus on the people with Need cups that are the exact same serving size as my Enough.

The Okays: Reflections on 2017

I'm seeing alot of hate for 2017 on social media this weekend. Sure, it politically and socially wasn't our nation's shiniest of years.

Looking back on a personal level, we've all had highs and lows. I, myself, reached some highest heights and deepest depths. But, even at its lowest points, this year has taught me over and over again that it's all okay. 

• It's okay to be weak. Revealing our vulnerabilities is the bravest thing one can do. It's okay to ask for help. Help won't find you otherwise. It's okay to need advice and forever okay to solicit prayers.
• It's okay to be selfish sometimes. Giving too much of yourself away can and will deplete you. Realize that it's better to take some time alone to yourself to replenish, recharge and simply rest. It will allow you to give more fully when you're back at your best. Because who really wants help from someone at their frazzled worst anyhow? Let's not kid ourselves.
• It's okay to trust other women. This is something I've always had trouble doing after having been burned a few too many times. If someone proves to be a rotten limb, by all means, cut them off for the sake of the tree. But, as many or as few as you can find that bring nurture, cherish those. It's a special tribe. While lovers may gently support and protect the smalls of our backs... let's, women, brace one anothers' spines.
• It's okay to support others who are checking items off your bucket list more quickly than you. Jealousy and spite are natural knee jerk reactions to this. We are not alone in that pettiness of mankind. Just remember we are all moving in different directions, at different paces, and with different destinations at the end of the journey. Don't let jealousy cloud your relationships. You will need the experience and insight of others once your turn comes around.
• It's okay to want to be noticed. We were made visual to be seen. We were made audible to be heard. As long as you understand how to share the floor... Shine. As brightly as possible.
• It's okay to fall in love with someone who may not be your soul mate. We should never regret sharing our hearts. The heart regenerates. It is meant to be given away. If someone enters your life and your hearts are drawn to one another, experience that. Let your pulses beat as one for as little or as long as they are able to stay in rhythm. It's your mind, gut, and self-respect that you shouldn't be willing to piecemeal as sacrifice. But, the heart... Yes, always. Give that shit away.

Don't hate on 2018 either. No matter how gentle or rough it decides to be with you. It will be gone before you know it. If it brings you lessons you choose to overlook that will only be your loss. 

The year is just a number. Don't put too much weight on that. Only make sure that the next twelve months full of okays.

Not for the Weak

This is the face of depression. 

Left Me was taken five minutes before leaving for work this morning. Right Me was five minutes after getting home.

Left Me is the me most people know. She's the one they grew up with or the one who makes the hours pass entertainingly at the office. She's the one telling anecdotes at the holiday table and the one who makes toddlers and old men giggle. Left Me is confident, independent, hilarious and full of love and kindness to share.

Right Me is the one only I see if I happen to cross paths with a mirror at the times I least wish to do so. Right Me hides in bathroom stalls crying and stays home many weekends crippled on the couch. Right Me is the wrong me. She feels purposeless, anxious, annoying and needy.

Left Me doesn't want the world to know that Right Me exists. But, there Right Me is! Puffy and frazzled and frozen on the couch.

Right Me makes Left Me feel weak. She creeps up at least once a decade just to f**k with my life. She sleeps too much but is never well-rested. She aches with pains that seize up our legs. She's lonely yet, ironically, just wants to be left alone. She has sad memories and decides to broadcast them on replay just as Left Me was starting to pick up steam.

Left Me wishes Right Me would just pack up and leave! But Right Me has no place to go. Instead she tries to crumple up Lefty's bucket list and distract her from her livelihood. She ruins relationships and all the progress Left Me has made. But, for whatever reason, she's a part of us and we need to learn to live with her because that's our lot in life. She's our cross to bear.

I don't know why I'm so ashamed to admit that Right Me exists. We all have a Right Me to some extent or another. 

She's a little shit, but a tough one. You see, Right Me has been through alot. I should be proud of her because she's quite the champion. Battered but not broken. Maimed but not killed.

She even keeps me safe at times, 'cause that Left Me's a livewire! She brings wisdom by studying the things that Left Me would rather ignore. She slows down Left Me's runaway train. She refuses to stay busy just for busyness's sake. She makes us stop. She makes us think.

Sure Right Me's a downer, but she's probably saved Left Me's life more times than she cares to admit. Lefty's wreckless. Righty walks on eggshells.  Odd pair, but somehow a necessary team.

Right Me always seems to show up with a sack full of caution just after Left Me has thrown it all to the wind.

Even though she's a pain, I'm beginning to think I need her. She's a useful pacemaker. She uses that time on the couch to reset our wiring and turn back on all the circuits that Lefty had wildly disengaged.

I'm learning to see depression as a building block in my life. The emergency brakes to the runaway train. It hurts me. It's exhausting. But, it always builds me up stronger and stores up new reserves as it passes that I never dreamed I had any room left for.

I actually started this writing this two months ago but didn't find the courage to post it until now. Right Me convinced me that no one would understand. But, I now know that way too many of you do.

If you also suffer, don't give up. Let your mind and body restore during your slow moving seasons. Use the time that you're down to explore the basement while you're there. There are alot of useful tools down here once you find the strength to look around. Just promise yourself you'll never ever stop looking.

Be a Fountain not a Drain

I love this quote. I wish everyone around me would follow it.

It's sooo taxing to be around a drain. They just sap your reserves and wring your soul of all spiritual hydration. They make you feel like you're circling down the pipes along with all the sludge and gook and bugs that you were too hesitant to smush. Only to wind up in the garbage disposal that will be forgotten to be turned on for at least a week because, let's face it, happy homemaker you're not.

Uck! It's disgusting down here. Get me out!

But, oh crap... wait! Today I was the drain.  And, I dragged everyone in my path down into my hairball and leftovers lair with me.

It feels shitty to be the drain.

I'm known for being a fountain a better percentage of the time. I try to be humble of this reputation since my innards betray my outtards more often than I'd like to admit. But, being a fountain is rewarding.

You hydrate others instead of parch. You cleanse instead of muddy up. You bring life instead of making others wish death (...on you.) I enjoy my fountain days. They give me purpose on a path that's otherwise not so clear.

So, when a fountain becomes a drain it can feel like this:

When a fountain becomes a drain on Day 2 of "shark week", it's a little more like this:

That's poo water, friends. POO water!

So far, today, I've poo-watered a good friend with a rude remark, I poo-watered all my co-workers with my crabby attitude, I poo-watered the IT department when my computer at work decided poo-water on me.

It was a bad day of fecal proportions and I'm now locked inside my home until morning so I can't possibly poo-water on any innocent passers-by for the rest of the day. I'm poo-watered out!

But you know who got poo-watered on the most? It was me.

My friends and co-workers have already forgotten this day. (Or, at the very least, are now relieved I've gone away.) My job will still be there tomorrow. Nobody died. Nobody cried. (Well, maybe "the drain" did a little. I'm soft.)

The nice balance in life is that when you have a day where you just feel stuck being the drain, God sends fountains along to keep your plumbing in order.

Thank you God! And, thank you fountains!

Fountains can't always be fountains 100% of the time. And, drains sometimes just need a little filtering in order to run clean again.

One day was enough for me on sewage duty. I've had my fill!

So, have no fear friends, family, and co-workers... I'll do my very best tomorrow to be sure my pipes are running clean. (Last plumbing pun, I swear.) There may be a drain that needs a fountain tomorrow. (Okay, one more.)

Give. Teach. Live. Love.

I've been flipping through my Maya adages to find the perfect match for the current events of this tragic week.

"Hate. It has caused alot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet." was the first to come to mind. 

I've seen so many beautiful quotes on love vs hate posted this week by the likes of Martin Luther King, Jr., Mathatma Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Jesus Christ.

But, after two days of sadness, anger, disbelief and frustration with this nation; it was the one pictured above that stood out to me today.

  "If you get, give. 

If you learn, teach."

-Maya Angelou

I don't know the solution to our country's problem with hate, violence, prejudice and dysfunction any more than the next person does. But, a common thread found within these United States is, not only a lack of giving and teaching; but an excess of misgiving and misteaching.

It's easy to recognize the actions of hate in hindsight. But, where are its roots?

Give: People are keen on the idea of receiving. But, when asked to give, the excuses flow forth.

I see constant debate on social media over the state of welfare in our country. Some think no one is entitled to a helping hand. Others think they deserve everything handed to them by rights of mere citizenship. Everyone has their opinion on what our taxes should and should not be spent on. But, if that money were ours to keep and give charitably as we choose, would we really be spending it on the things we preach we would?

We have millions of opinions on our government's choices on giving. It stirs us up. It angers us. It gives us tight fists over hands we don't control. But, what do we do with what we actually have? With what we've worked for. With our time? With our talents? 

It's easy to point out what others don't have: "Look at the neighbor's kid, running around with holes in his clothes!" "Those Johnson kids play outside all day and never go inside for lunch!" "Old Man Wilson's lawn is overgrown again!" "That car with the flat better move off the highway. It's going to cause an accident!" "That stray cat that's been hanging around is all nasty, skin and bones!"

It's easy to recognize a need. That's not petty at all. It's when we choose to talk about these things without any intention of aiding that pettiness sets up its hateful roots. 

Do you have hand-me-downs laying around? Food in the house? A lawnmower? A jack in the car? A loving home? Give! Share!

Don't point out the needs of others unless you're doing so to find them help.

"You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving." -Amy Carmichael

If you choose to see others as humans---not for their needs, not for what they have or don't have, not for their differences or similarities---maybe that can be the beginning of erasing the idea of "us" and "them".

If we are all "us", there can be no "them".

Teach: I see alot of "teaching" going on these days. Especially during this election year. (Word to the wise: Teaching traditionally isn't done in all caps.)

In a single Facebook session, I've been schooled on racial appropriation, food toxins, breast-feeding, slut-shaming, gun control, who to vote for, who not to vote for, which god I should believe in and also why I shouldn't believe in one at all.

Back in the day, we were educated in school, in our places of worship, in the home, by three television networks and within our circles of friends. These days we have the internet and are exposed to a whole new plethora of learning. 

This is great for book reports, research papers, library-less communities. Responsible use.

But, this also means that everyone's opinion is everywhere. And, the easily-influenced now have access to ten million versions of absolute truth.

It's often said that hatred isn't something one is born with, but is taught. I do believe this to be true. But, I also believe many are ignorant to who it is that's doing the teaching.

I just did an internet search on "hate is taught" and some of the accompanying memes in its results only proved this point further. 

This phrase was pointedly attached to images of specific races and religious groups. "[Religious Group] children are raised to hate us!" "[Race] and [Other Race] kids play together until [Race] parents tell them not to!" Grown adults actually posted this mess as some sort of lesson on world harmony. By finger-pointing at what another race/religion is doing wrong?! Newsflash: You've just influenced more hate.

We need to choose our words more carefully and recognize that we are all teachers, whether we've signed up for it or not.

Every word we've spoken has been heard by somebody. Which means that every negative opinion we've verbalized has influenced somebody in our lives. Intentionally or not.

Here's a cheat sheet so you know when you're teaching: 

1. Anytime a word comes out of your mouth.
2. Anytime you type out words and then hit "post" or "send".
3. Anytime you wear a tshirt with words on it.
4. Anytime you put a bumper sticker on your car.
5. Anytime you share someone else's post or internet meme.
6. Anytime you respond to what someone else has said.

Live: Giving and teaching is done in our daily lives. We don't always realize when we're doing it either. That's how easy it can be to influence change.

The country is currently on edge over who our next elected leader will be. Will it be a racist? A liar? A cheater? A crook?

Either way, we will soon be led by someone that half of the nation did not elect.  We will be led by someone that half of the nation does not agree with and led by a person that a large percentage will claim to hate. (FYI: Hating politicians is still classified as hate.)

Our singular vote is in our hands, but the outcome is completely out of them. So, what do we do?

We simply have to live.

Our president doesn't have a say in our voice. Our hearts. Our guts. Our world views. No matter what the election outcome, you are still you. Your convictions aren't dictated by who's sitting in the Oval Office. You still have your audience. You can still produce change. 

You don't have to be a celebrity. You don't have to be a government leader. You don't need a megaphone or huge sphere of influence.

Everybody has a circle of humans that they interact with each day. Give lovingly and teach wisely there. If everyone were kind to each person in their path, every person on earth will have been shown kindness daily.

My favorite stories that have come out of this week are the ones about police officers who make good use of giving and teaching in their daily lives. The ones who take the time, in whatever community they're assigned to, to interact with the children. To chat up the locals and become a true friend to the city that they protect and serve. The ones who make good use of the time spent exactly where they spend it.

I love the stories of races protecting other races and religions protecting other religions. This shouldn't be newsworthy. This shouldn't be noteworthy. This should be every day life.

I was blessed to grow up in a very culturally mixed community and it never dawned on me that this wasn't an all-American norm until someone on the outside would point this out. I grew up thinking racism was a sad lesson from the history books. Until I was old enough to watch the news, I didn't realize this still existed. I never knew of a concept "us" and "them" until the media tried to convice me that there was one.

Love: We might not feel inclined to love everyone. But, it is possible to show compassion to everyone that we meet. And, compassion breeds love.

When I was a young adult, I used to work in retail. I often worked late nights and there were several times where I was sure I was about to get robbed. There were times when it was obvious that a customer wasn't a customer, but was scoping the store layout and checking for safes and escape routes, without even glancing at the merchandise they were supposedly shopping for.

My strategy was always to engage with these people. They're human too, I figured. Human interaction elicits some sort of emotion, whether good or bad. I would always look them in the eye and smile. Greet them and show them kindness. They always left the store. They never once purchased a thing. But, they never once robbed me either.

I couldn't even tell you what race these people were. I couldn't tell you their height or weight or clothing descriptions. I certainly couldn't guess what I thought their belief system was. I wasn't paying attention to those things. I was looking into their eyes and hoping to see their hearts.

Is it really that easy? It's simple in theory. But, it's not easy!

It's hard to reach out when you're tired. When you've had a long day. When you don't feel like being a helper. You don't always have to be the helper. Just don't let a bad mood turn you into a hurter.

Especially in your every day company. Those are the easiest audiences to let your guard down around.

I'm a smart mouth. I'm quick to blurt out whatever comes across my mind. I'm constantly biting at words I'd just spoke, trying to gobble them back in after it's too late. I might say something rude just to shoo someone away. You never know how this might be misinterpreted.

It's not always a race issue, a religion issue, or a social issue. It's a heart issue. Are you going to choose to be hard today? Or, be soft and approachable? Do you want to be a helper or a hurter? Giving and teaching are outward actions. We can't close up within ourselves and expect change. We must do. The rest will fall in line. Your actions will affect your circle. And, your circle's mood and actions will reflect off of how they've been treated and what they've been shown.

I think so much of the hate we see in the world spawned from people who were never shown kindness or love. And, so much of hate was bred in homes that misgave and mistaught.

This happens individually. Not as a whole community. Not as a entire demographic. Let's stop the cycle of thinking there is an "us" and a "them". Let's not let the next generation even know of this concept.

Let's see the "bad guys" as individuals. The ones who made a choice to do wrong and chose not to become the person they were created to be. Don't lump them together with everyone that looks like them, talks like them, worships like them, or goes to work at the same place as them.

Is everybody going to follow suit? Of course not. But, wouldn't that be nice?

In this regard, it's just as important to represent ourselves well. If we have people in our circle who regard us as a "them"... let's change their concept of who "they" are and what "they" act like. If we don't fit their stereotype, then maybe, just maybe, someone's stereotypes might dissolve around them.

Everyone that is on the news this week is a human. The shooters are humans. The victims are humans. The witnesses are humans. The reactors are humans. The demonstrators are humans. The media is compiled of humans.

Some made the worst choices and should pay the consequences. Some are victims of these choices and are forced to live with this uninvited pain. Some watched these events from far away and took home the wrong lesson. Some spoke of these events in not the best way, stirring up more anger. Every one of these involved was human.

I do not support bad behavior. But, I do support and keep hope for humankind.

May something good come out of this week's ashes and may this nation be healed and changed.

Tales of a Recovering Gossip

There's something about gossip that certainly has its appeal.

It easily veils itself as bonding. It's the quickest topic to jump to when grasping for small talk. Like junk food or recreation drugs, it can even feel euphoric for a fleeting moment. But, like every fleeting moment, a crash landing is likely around the corner.

I've been learning lessons about gossip since I was young enough to cup my hand over my mouth and giggle. Yet still, it seems, I will never quite fully learn.

In ways, it could be classified as an addiction. Newly recovering alcoholics can go longer without a drink than it takes for me to turn away from a "I have to tell you what so-and-so said!" Or, me spouting off a "Grrr... so-and-so is driving me nuts!" followed by bottled up grievances that have bitterly aged over time.

I will get a guilty conscience later that day. Have an extra long prayer session at bedtime to soothe the shame away. But, it seems the only one real cure that leads me back to cold turkey status is overhearing something about myself.

OHHHHH... the sudden evils of gossip!

If social media has taught me anything, this is the time to take to your newsfeed and passive-aggressively start posting memes and quotes along the lines of, "If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you're above them." And about how, "If some talks behind your back, there's probably a reason they're behind you." (Quotes on gossip are very directional. Someone's always up, down, behind, below. They're like the grown-up version of the Hokey Pokey.)

Gossip will always be a vice. It will also always be a bad idea. 

To equip yourself, here are some tips I've learned to follow while in the recovery stage:

1. One-on-one resolution is always the best, when possible. I've known people who are into the group attack. They need that audience as witness and feel the need to have an army handy as backup. This is a junior high school mentality that shouldn't even exist in the adult world. If you've got beef, pull the person/people aside that are specifically involved in the issue and hash it out behind closed doors. I've been surprised at the immediate resolution this can bring. Someone you think is in hate with you, can suddenly dissolve at the sign of human face-to-face contact and honesty.
2. Be careful who you vent to. If resolution is rejected or just plain out of the question, choose your confidantes wisely. Mutual parties are usually a bad idea. Anyone who crosses paths regularly with the person you need to vent about, has way too many opportunities to spill the beans (accidentally or not.) If you're having issue with a family member, try discussing it with a non-related outside source. Work troubles? Take these to a spouse, relative or non-office mate. Troublesome neighbor, take it off the street. And, social media should never be the answer.
3. Walls talk. I've learned to pretend that there is no wall or door that is 100% soundproof. Because, really? Unless you're telling tea in a bank vault. I have an overactive imagination, so the biggest cure for me when temptation strikes, is to pretend I'm on a reality show. If you put your mindset in a Truman Show-like environment, where everybody is hearing and seeing everything you say and do, you're alot less likely to get yourself into trouble with a hungry audience. For fun, you can also spin around from time to time while reciting your own Real Housewives intro.
4. Don't over-analyze. Most things that upset me are one sentence long. By the end of a restless night I can turn that one sentence into an epic novel. Be mindful about what you're really angry about. Did someone really wrong you? Or, were they just in a cranky mood that day and you spent alot of time trying to turn it into a personal offense. Not every reaction by others is a blanket statement of their heartfelt opinion of you. Find a hobby. Go to the movies. Distract yourself when your thoughts want to run amok. Don't let an idle mind run away with you. It's really a kidnapper and will lock you in the trunk!
5. Don't over-explain things. If you're apologizing to someone, stick to the point. If you're seeking an apology, for the love of all things holy... please stick to the point. If someone is angry with you and not in the mood for forgiveness, the last thing you want to do is give them extra ammunition. Plus, it's simply exhausting.
6. Don't keep a storehouse. Every time someone ticks me off, my memory will get a sudden flood of all the wrongs they have wronged me with. "If they bring this up, I'm going to remind them of this, that, and the other thing I meant to mention last August!" Give yourself a timeline for resolution. If you miss that deadline, your punishment is to let it go. If you've already forgiven someone for something, you're not allowed to bring it up again. If they don't follow the same rules as you, that's not for you to worry about. You're not responsible for their conscience. Take care of your own inner peace.
7. Choose a secret role model. There have been certain people in my life that everybody loves. They're fun to be around, always kind-hearted and never have a bad thing to say about anyone. Their lives aren't perfect, but they seem to have some secret navigational tool that I wish I was born with. What Would Jesus Do? is a nice movement. But, sometimes, placing yourselves in the shoes of a flawed human being whose life you've actually witnessed in action is a tangible practice in "How would [friend] react to this?"
8. Don't beat yourself up. We've all been wrong. We've all made dumb choices and said stupidly ridiculous and damaging things. This is not your permanent lot in life. You just had a bad day. People love you. Your real friends will say, "It's over now. You're a good person. You just had a bad moment." and will continue to love you for the person that you are. Move forward after reparations have been made (or attempted) and don't let gossip be your legacy. Get your Day One chip and consider yourself back on the road to recovery. Haters may be hating. But, haters fade away. True friendships are where you should be investing your best thoughts and time.

Normal vs Amazing

I have always been aware that I am not normal.

I never really understood what "normal" was supposed to mean anyhow. All I knew was that if it were a shoe, it certainly wouldn't fit.

I never cared to be this "normal", either. Whatever normal was. Even as a child I was aware that I had fresh ideas, a different perspective and an offbeat take on life that others always seemed to find either fascinating or refreshing. So, why change?

It wasn't until I was fully grown that fellow humans started asking the whys. And, not the "why"s of curious interest, but judgementally in tone.

I was taught manners very early in life. Some people may not have been exposed to that luxury. And, most times women can be the worst threat to their own kind in this area.

As today's Maya quote suggests, how can we see amazing if we're always searching for normal? Let's not put that kind of pressure on one another.

As women, we should try our best not to question or judge each others':

• Life Choices. We didn't all go straight to college after high school. We didn't all find our soul mates in our first half of life. We weren't all meant to be mothers. We're not all striving to have millions in the bank. We're not all meant to live in the same town, in the same type of home, with the same chevron curtains hanging in the front window. We are not Stepfords. Neither should we care to be. Not every life step is a choice, either. It's just the way one's path has wound. Never question why someone's where they're at. They've probably never even questioned that themselves. They just are.
• Feelings. Never ever negate someone's natural feelings. If an emotion crops up in any human, it's a matter of cause and effect. If you caused a bad reaction in someone, don't chastise or belittle them for it. Use it as a teaching moment in how to interact with this individual in the future. Tears are not a sin. They're true feelings leaking out of one's body. You can't scold human plumbing.
• Pasts. Since no one can change the past, why would you even question somebody's?
• Style. Things I've actually been asked in life: "What made you put that outfit together?", "What makes you think those two colors match?", "Why'd you cut your hair?!", "What's with those shoes?", "Why are your pants cuffed?", "Why are you wearing a dress? Who are you trying to look good for?" It's also been suggested that my choices in hair color have been less than stellar. But, know this. I've been dressing myself for several decades now. Anything that's on my head, face or body is there because I put it there. If you have some sort of set of fashion rules, that's great! Feel free to use them when dressing yourself.
• Thought-Paths. "Why on earth would you do that? What were you thinking?" Maybe, I wasn't. Isn't it glorious? 

We're all on our own paths in life. When someone crosses yours, it wasn't to be set up to be open for judgement.

If they choose to share a part of their story with you, it's because they're inviting you to peek at their journey. They're not necessarily prying for advice or asking your opinion on whether you find them to be the acceptable degree of "normal" or not. They're simply letting you get to know them.

There is no normal. No one could be it if they tried.

We're all wired differently so that we can enjoy the newness of one another. Never try to short-circuit another's wiring with your opinions or inquisitions.

If you cross paths with someone who is "different" and you make the decision that this brand of different doesn't interest you, quietly move on and let their "amazing" happen without you. If it is a type of "different" that peaks your interest, skip the "why" and trying substituting with a "tell me more."

The next time someone approaches me with a discriminatory "why", I think I'll just answer, "Because that's where life took me" and then quietly step out of their path.

[For a humorous take on "normal" from a child's standpoint, click here.]